Furking and why do we need to do more of it.

YOLO – Your only live once is one of the more truthful things you will hear from the youth of today. So we spend so much of our lives at work you should really think about how much fun you have at work and consider taking up some fun working or furking for short.

There are a lot of websites out there that can help you get furking faster. Sites such as payperhour.com or freelancer.net allow individuals like you to say what you like to do. You just have to come up with something that people need or they may not furk with you as they will find it pointless.

One common problem is that females complain that males furk for just a short period of time. They get their goals completed and then move on before really exploring their projects full potential. Note that if you don’t please a client they may not rehire you and even though your having fun you will need to appreciate that its a two way street all the same. So you must keep it fun while at the same time pleasing your client(s).
With modern websites that cater to group furking you can get some 3 -4 or more way action going ! Often the more the merrier. Maybe someone is better at editorial and is into the detail while another pat of the team is into the detail. Indeed there is an app for that and if your poor but would still like to furk then kickstart offers a way that you can ask people to invest in return for gifts or even parts of the company. This is crowd fun-ding.

Say more of..
I am sorry Arlene I can’t come to the movies tonight I am furking with this Indian girl I met online she is very god at SEO.

I like new technology and love writing reviews and sharing my unboxings at http://style-review.com where that is a serious fun working job ! Where I get paid for writing up to date cool stuff that I then share with my friends.

I am sick of my job I am going to quit and go furking for a living.

Gamerdj – just wanted to play battlefield 4 on his xbox for a living so he just loves to furk. At any moment in time somewhere in the world someone is furking , in Australia they furk upside down ! The USA unsurprisingly are the biggest furkers in the world and the rest of the world is trying to catch up as fast as they can. The Germans are quite a serious people and this is a barrier to really good furking though they say in opinion polls that they are really keen to have more fun. The Japanese just WORK and get their FUN at the end of the day after a hard long day. This is different this is furking at work. The French and Italians have started up that old pizza war – who invented it and now each claims to have invented furking.

Tax Concerns
The government are worried about the amount of unprotected furking going on they see work that is not guaranteed to be paid as unprotected but it’s clear to see that they are scared of not getting the tax as a result of the furking. If the government start to tax furkers the future may be unclear.

A lot of furking IS done in the home a lot by mothers. (you knew it was coming) Mother Furkers find it most convenient but furking while looking after your children is just plain wrong on many levels. Mother Furkers tend to do their own thing.

Available Furking in Your Area
Anyone into preaching religion and helping the locals in far flung places might consider the missionary furking position.

If you find that you like to draw chalk boards for pubs for fun then you might like the position in the pub called ‘the Ass’ it has been found to be readvertised this month yet again as many that try furkin up the ass not to their liking and if you are not having fun then there is just no point.

Say less of
I have never tried furking , but I think I should. Maybe try a bit of furking on the side so not to get in the way of my main work.

It has stopped being fun, no more furking going on now it’s all just work. At least I have time for my relationship now.

Legoland Vs Peppa Pig World


We took our 3 year old to Legoland Windsor at the weekend and I think we all left the day very tired and a bit jaded by the day. We arrived at around midday which was a bit later than we would have liked. We used Tesco vouchers via their clubcard website as this drastically reduces the ticket price 12:50 per person. Not only that but you must print your tickets and then self scan them – for the first and only time that day we went to the no queue straight in line ! A great must do thing.

What’s the problem with legoland ?

Mainly simply that the rides are all very short so you queue like 45 minutes on average for a ride or activity of about 5 minutes. So if you are there 5-6 hours you are likely to do just a few short lived rides that are dated. The learn to drive (under 5’s) helicopter ride, fairy tale brook boat ride – take a break for some food and visit the miniland (the best attraction where everything is made of lego) wander over to the atlantis wait for 15 minutes until you see the true length of the queue and bail as its getting too late and you have a long drive back. It isn’t made better when getting an ice cream takes half an hour. 3 – 40 year olds do not understand why we need to queue so much. Being short staffed is the main issue which is easy to solve if you really want to.

I was since it opened interested in visiting and people said it was great. But compare this to any modern alternative like peppa pig world by paultons and lego land is behind. They haven’t even kept it clean and this was by far and least the most surprising thing – the lego structures throughout the park are faded and dirty. I would have thought you could jet wash them to keep them a bit cleaner. That or simply rebuild – it’s clear that there is no new remodelling going on. Peppa pig world in contrast was clean and the rides felt a bit longer but the queues while not very small were quicker – to a point that we felt it acceptable. The biggest bonus for pepa pig world is that

Slightly grumbling having to breathe in the second hand smoke from the numerous smokers who ignore the no smoking requests that are not enforced. Sorry I am not about to pick a fight on my day off and out with my daughter close by. There is a designated area that some decent folk used.

A final annoyance is the 4 pounds car parking in a field 4 fields away from the park itself.

How can you enjoy the day more ? (please supply your tips as comments below)

Make sure you go on a day other than a bank holiday – it simply can’t cope with the lack of staff for busy periods like this.

Prepare your visit with a session of relaxing yoga beforehand

Make sure to shop at tescos and get the clubcard loyalty points – this is the only way to get in at a halfway sensible price.

If you can afford to spend even more then explore the QBot options which are supposed to let you jump the queue. However a complicated table of tarrifs and what you can jump isn’t helpful to my tired brain and it wasn’t a small fee.

One technique we saw was a couple that allowed their kids to queue alone knowing full well that they were not old enough to ride alone. Amazingly at the time the children made it to the front dad magically appeared and was amazed that the shorter than .9m old needed an adult. So in a well crafted and thought out way asked if they could go around to the front to ride with their kids as they didn’t want to queue again ! (you know you didn’t). It was clear to everyone what it was all about. I’m surprised there are not full blown punchups that occur regularly – perhaps they do. Certainly arguments are well incubated here. We don’t want you to not come just plan to not do it on a bank holiday.

This theme park is close enough to London for those with a yearly membership to come regularly and target your section like the duplo water activity. Then you might have a lot more fun. We tried hard and enjoyed momentary parts of the day especially when our daughter was trying to drive her electric car around the course and other moments where we found a quiet-ish corner of the park and reflected on a slice of the population of the U.K. Theme parks really do get you closer to contemporary human nature. Had we paid full price for tickets I would have been very angry alongside my slightly disappointed feeling. I was glad to have crossed it off the list and to have finally been to legoland so that next time some ‘everything is wondeful’ type at a dinner party raves about legoland I can have a dialogue with them. I would certainly say if you thought that was great you should try paultons park including the peppa pig world section.

Computer Help Failed Upgrade

Wife 1.0

A software engineer wrote:

Subject: Failed Upgrade

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Smoking 10.3, Boozing 2.5 and Saturday Night Pubs 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications like Night Club 4.3, Dance ‘n’ Drink 2.0 and Bachelor Party 7.77. I am thinikng about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on this programm. Once I tried to uninstall Wife 1.0 but got this error: “General Protection Fault in module House Security. The Uninstallation will abort.” Can you help me, please?

Here was the reply from Tech Support:

Re: Failed Upgrade

This is a very common problem among men, but it is due mostly to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is actually an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge Wife 1.0 from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under “Warnings-Alimony/ Child Support”. This was given to you at time of registration with Wife 1.0. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding GENERAL PARTNERSHIP FAULTS (GPFs). The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\ APOLOGIZE. In fact I would suggest you use this command every time Wife 1.0 crashes on your system. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider bying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0 or Movies 4.5. Do not, under any circumstances, install Visual Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. this is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likley to cause irreversible damage to the operating system. Recent surveys show add-ons like Visual Dress 2.0, Diamond Necklace 3.0, and a quick tour to temple 1.0 are the best Third Party tools supported by Wife 1.0 to allow it to run smoothly and effectively.

Best of Luck!

EVER WONDER where we are headed…


Why the sun lightens our hair,

but darkens our skin?

Why women can’t put on mascara

with their mouth closed?



Why you don’t ever see the headline:

“Psychic Wins Lottery”?



Why “abbreviated” is such a long word?


Why Doctors call what they do “practice”?


Why you have to click on “Start”

to stop Windows 98?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?



Why the man who invests all your money is called a “Broker”?



Why there isn’t mouse flavored cat food?


Who tastes dog food when it has a

“new & improved” flavor?

Why Noah didn’t swat those two mosquitoes?



Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why they don’t make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?



Why sheep don’t shrink when it rains?


Why they are called apartments when

they are all stuck together?


If con is the opposite of pro,

is Congress the opposite of progress?



Why they call the airport “the terminal”

if flying is so safe?







In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.



On a Myer hairdryer:

“Do not use while sleeping”.

(Darn, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair).



On a bag of Chips:

You could be a winner!  No purchase necessary.  Details inside.

(The shoplifter special?)



On a bar of Palmolive soap:

“Directions:  Use like regular soap”.

(And that would be how???)


On some frozen dinners:

“Serving suggestion:  Defrost”.

(But, it’s just a suggestion)



On Nanna’s Tiramisu dessert

(printed on bottom):

“Do not turn upside down”.

(Well…duh, a bit late, huh)!



On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

“Product will be hot after heating”.

(And you thought????…)



On packaging for a K-Mart iron:

“Do not iron clothes on body”.

(But wouldn’t this save me more time?)
On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine:

“Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication”.

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)


On Nytol Sleep Aid:

“Warning: May cause drowsiness”.

(And…I’m taking this because???)

On most brands of Christmas lights:

“For indoor or outdoor use only”.

(As opposed to…what?)




On a Japanese food processor:

“Not to be used for the other use”.

(Now, somebody out there, help me on this.  I’m a bit curious.)


On Nobby’s peanuts:

“Warning: contains nuts”.

(Talk about a news flash!)



On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

“Instructions:  Open packet, eat nuts”.

(Step 3: maybe, uh..fly Delta?)



I don’t blame the company, I blame the parents for this one:

On a child’s superman costume:

“Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly”.


On a Swedish chainsaw:

“Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals”.

(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)


Now that you’ve smiled at least once, it’s your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)…in other words send it to everyone.  We all need to smile every once in a while.


Windows vs Ford

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX),

Bill Gates

Bill Gates – A truly great pioneer and philanthropist

reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

“If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

In response to Bill’s comments,


Ford motor company.

issued a press release stating:

If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash………twice a day.

2.. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3… Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4…. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5….. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6…… The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation” warning light.

7……. The airbag system would ask,“Are you sure?” before deploying.

8…….. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9……… Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10………. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.

PS – I’d like to add that when all else fails, you could call “customer service” in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!

Please share this with your friends who love – but sometimes hate – their computer!


A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers…


1) ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you’re all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you’ll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction.’


2) ‘Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I’ll let you know any further information as soon as I’m given any.’


3) ‘Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Mile End and East Ham, which means we probably won’t reach our destination.’


4) ‘Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let’s take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now…. ‘Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall…..’.’


5) ‘We are now travelling through Baker Street … As you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don’t think about things like that’.


6) ‘Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me.’


7) During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: ‘Step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman… unfortunately, towels are not provided.’


8) ‘Let the passengers off the train FIRST!’ (Pause ) ‘Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care – I’m going home….’


9) ‘Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with ‘Please hold the doors open.’ The two are distinct and separate instructions.’


10) ‘Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors.’


11) ‘We can’t move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door.’


12) ‘To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage — what part of ‘stand clear of the doors’ don’t you understand?’


13) ‘Please move all baggage away from the doors.’ (Pause..) ‘Please move ALL belongings away from the doors.’ (Pause…) ‘This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down, Four-eyes, and move your bloody golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your @rse sideways!’


14) ‘May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it’s only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage.’


Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, ‘We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It’s possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house.’

(The Daily Telegraph)

Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend.

(The Manchester Evening News)

Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It’s a Special Branch vehicle and they don’t want the public to know what it looks like.

(The Guardian)

At the height of the gale, the harbour-master radioed a coast guard and asked him to estimate the wind speed.. He replied he was sorry, but he didn’t have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.

( Aberdeen Evening Express)

Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue , Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled -

‘He’d always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out ‘Heil Hitler.”

( Bournemouth Evening Echo)


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