I have been with my partner for 4 years and our daughter is 3.5.
We recently have had to live under different roofs due to very uncomfortable to live together.
We are not married.
I have been paying an amount into a joint bank account always to help with bills in a time when I haven’t been working much. This has been reversed in the past and I was happy to support everything all of us fully as that was us being a happy ish family. Now just 2 months in and the money or lack of it from me has been a catalyst and she wants me out so in the end I am forced out through violence.
The house is both of ours and I have the concern that I may loose my right to my half if I don’t show an interest in the property. We might both agree that its best to live apart though I see my daughter much less like that.
Just this week the CSA got in touch and I’m like ….but I have been paying ? I have been paying into the joint account sporadically and for the past 2 months amounts to 250 per month. prior it was half each and prior to that as I was saying I paid the lot – we had holidays and everything. I even gave her 500 independence money per month so she didn’t feel that she had no money. I know you are thinking there are 2 sides to the story. And hers I am a little unclear on myself she had a good thing in the past and even recently living in the house when I have a very small box bedroom that and the fact I am outstaying my welcome of course. I have just started to work again and plan to again pay my way as always apart from 2 months when it was the 250 only.
I have some points to discuss…
1) I feel that I must move back in now the CSA are in touch and as I can now afford it pay half the whole home outgoings as normal. The CSA tell me that this has no bearing on anything. So I can pay her privately and she can still get money from the CSA they don’t look at any payments that are private ! I don’t want to get into a fair or not thing its just what is as thats where I am getting hit regardless of fairness this is not the UK justice system.
2) Maybe I should just let the CSA decide the amount which is less than what I offered her but under this I still feel that I need to take a real interest in the property and coupled to the fact that I cant (ill afford) afford rent and csa etc.
3) Partner doesn’t see the advantage to her getting the house so she thinks this should have no bearing on the amount I negotiate.
4) Who on earth gave the CSA powers to take more money from me by LAW without taking into consideration of me already paying !
We are both interested to sell the property to clean things up or for one to buy out the other – she cant afford to buy me out and I can her but cant get a mortgage by myself since I manage a ltd company and pay myself so its not deemed very secure to the banks.
5) I am happy to get a mediation as (IMO) she cant communicate properly and the texts (her preffered method) get very nasty quickly just tonight I am threatened with not seeing my daughter as if I move back in they will run away and end up on the streets. Its that kind of difficulty folks.
6) I am a dad who loves his daughter and wants to pay for her upbringing am not looking for a new partner and just want to see her regularly but the CSA are ruining all chances of friendly negotiation. They seem very much to be pushing their product and the guy telling me to not pay any more privately was a surprise. I do not wish to make life hard for partner nor poor but she isnt interested in private I think she sees some guaranteed source of income via the CSA that is always more than what I am offering but the calculator and the CSA tell me different. I am glad to earn money for my daughter. If I am denied access where are my rights ? Without spending 20k as someone I know did and then getting one week on and one off and still having to pay 150 per month as the judge said its the woman who always buys the clothes…